Last night I was having a pretty shitty night,
so I decided that I wanted to be depressed the next morning (so, this
morning)
And no, my problems aren't "I like him but he
doesn't like me", they are a little more deep down, complex and psychological
than that.
All my friends have had "bad days" since I've
known them. When they have these days, everyone seems to care about them and
they get all of this love. I wasn't looking for attention, but merely the
affection that I feel I've been lacking. So I wanted to be sad for a day and
have people care.
When I woke up, my issues didn't seem that bad,
but after getting mad at my brother, I thought that I'd let my true sadness show
for a day. This isn't the first time that I've "decided" to do this, and it
sure
as hell wont be the last. I wouldn't need to
keep doing this, if I didn't always give up and be happy right when I get to
school.
Just like always, right when I entered the
double doors, I completely forgot about my whole depression thing. It wasn't
like my feelings were gone, I simply forgot and got engulfed in the charade of
happy-go-lucky school.
My day was actually turning out to be pretty
good. Even when I got called ugly - later I found out he was kidding, but that
is besides the point - I didn't let it bother me. This day was a good day. Some
boys even flirted with me. I AM NOT TO BE JUDGED, I AM A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH
CRUSHES. (if you have read my other blog, my thoughts are still the same about
middle school dating)
At the end of the day I had gym, which to
multiple complaints, was outside in the rain. It wasn't the rain that bothered
me, it was being cold. But once we started running and playing football - which
I love now by the way - I felt as though I was invincible.
But sadly, "all good things must come to an end"
as our friend Nelly Furtado would say, and it was time to go home. I was
actually excited, because being home meant watching One Tree Hill and stuffing
my face with sunflower seeds. All of this seemed
like sex. Other than the fact that it was pouring rain and I walk home.
I was considering going to my moms work - close
to my school - but then my friend Rose asked if I wanted to go to her house. I
was sceptical because she lived up on a mountain close to mine, but still takes
30 minutes to pick me up, and a lot of gas.
Amazingly, I came up with an idea. Roses bus
picks her up at our school, and she transfers to GW, a school that is 5 minutes
away from my moms work. So I called my mom, and if she didn't call back in the
time that Rose got on her second bus, then I was just going to go to my moms
work.
Being lazy though, I made sure that I didn't
want to walk THAT FAR. So I continuously called my mom, always getting her
answering machine. After a while, my messages stopped being serious and I
started joking around saying "I could be dying" and stuff like that.
Even though I never did reach my mom, I went
home with Rose. With nothing to do, we decided to go on Omegle. It was fun! Half
the people you screw around with, and the other half, both of you are trying to
screw with one another.
Soon, I completely forgot about how I wanted to
be sad. But, I still didn't know how I was going to get home, so every 5
minutes, I called my mom, hoping she'd answer. She never did.
I was too scared to call home, because my dad
could have answered and he'd be mad. At around 5, there was a knock on the door,
and surprisingly, it was my mom. I was a bit confused, because she doesn't get
off until 5:30, and she wouldn't reach the house until 6.
APPARENTLY she went home sick, and when I didn't
come home, she called one of her co-workers to check her work phone, to see if I
called. Her co-worker got through 5 of the 100 messages,
called my mom and told her that I most likely
went to Roses.
I had a good day :)
Tomorrow I'll be sad, I swear.