Pointless

Last night I was having a pretty shitty night, so I decided that I wanted to be depressed the next morning (so, this morning)

And no, my problems aren't "I like him but he doesn't like me", they are a little more deep down, complex and psychological than that.

All my friends have had "bad days" since I've known them. When they have these days, everyone seems to care about them and they get all of this love. I wasn't looking for attention, but merely the affection that I feel I've been lacking. So I wanted to be sad for a day and have people care.

When I woke up, my issues didn't seem that bad, but after getting mad at my brother, I thought that I'd let my true sadness show for a day. This isn't the first time that I've "decided" to do this, and it sure

as hell wont be the last. I wouldn't need to keep doing this, if I didn't always give up and be happy right when I get to school.

Just like always, right when I entered the double doors, I completely forgot about my whole depression thing. It wasn't like my feelings were gone, I simply forgot and got engulfed in the charade of happy-go-lucky school.

My day was actually turning out to be pretty good. Even when I got called ugly - later I found out he was kidding, but that is besides the point - I didn't let it bother me. This day was a good day. Some boys even flirted with me. I AM NOT TO BE JUDGED, I AM A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH CRUSHES. (if you have read my other blog, my thoughts are still the same about middle school dating)

At the end of the day I had gym, which to multiple complaints, was outside in the rain. It wasn't the rain that bothered me, it was being cold. But once we started running and playing football - which I love now by the way - I felt as though I was invincible.

But sadly, "all good things must come to an end" as our friend Nelly Furtado would say, and it was time to go home. I was actually excited, because being home meant watching One Tree Hill and stuffing

my face with sunflower seeds. All of this seemed like sex. Other than the fact that it was pouring rain and I walk home.

I was considering going to my moms work - close to my school - but then my friend Rose asked if I wanted to go to her house. I was sceptical because she lived up on a mountain close to mine, but still takes 30 minutes to pick me up, and a lot of gas.

Amazingly, I came up with an idea. Roses bus picks her up at our school, and she transfers to GW, a school that is 5 minutes away from my moms work. So I called my mom, and if she didn't call back in the time that Rose got on her second bus, then I was just going to go to my moms work.

Being lazy though, I made sure that I didn't want to walk THAT FAR. So I continuously called my mom, always getting her answering machine. After a while, my messages stopped being serious and I started joking around saying "I could be dying" and stuff like that.

Even though I never did reach my mom, I went home with Rose. With nothing to do, we decided to go on Omegle. It was fun! Half the people you screw around with, and the other half, both of you are trying to screw with one another.

Soon, I completely forgot about how I wanted to be sad. But, I still didn't know how I was going to get home, so every 5 minutes, I called my mom, hoping she'd answer. She never did.

I was too scared to call home, because my dad could have answered and he'd be mad. At around 5, there was a knock on the door, and surprisingly, it was my mom. I was a bit confused, because she doesn't get off until 5:30, and she wouldn't reach the house until 6.

APPARENTLY she went home sick, and when I didn't come home, she called one of her co-workers to check her work phone, to see if I called. Her co-worker got through 5 of the 100 messages,

called my mom and told her that I most likely went to Roses.

I had a good day :)

Tomorrow I'll be sad, I swear.