Pointless

Last night I was having a pretty shitty night, so I decided that I wanted to be depressed the next morning (so, this morning)

And no, my problems aren't "I like him but he doesn't like me", they are a little more deep down, complex and psychological than that.

All my friends have had "bad days" since I've known them. When they have these days, everyone seems to care about them and they get all of this love. I wasn't looking for attention, but merely the affection that I feel I've been lacking. So I wanted to be sad for a day and have people care.

When I woke up, my issues didn't seem that bad, but after getting mad at my brother, I thought that I'd let my true sadness show for a day. This isn't the first time that I've "decided" to do this, and it sure

as hell wont be the last. I wouldn't need to keep doing this, if I didn't always give up and be happy right when I get to school.

Just like always, right when I entered the double doors, I completely forgot about my whole depression thing. It wasn't like my feelings were gone, I simply forgot and got engulfed in the charade of happy-go-lucky school.

My day was actually turning out to be pretty good. Even when I got called ugly - later I found out he was kidding, but that is besides the point - I didn't let it bother me. This day was a good day. Some boys even flirted with me. I AM NOT TO BE JUDGED, I AM A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH CRUSHES. (if you have read my other blog, my thoughts are still the same about middle school dating)

At the end of the day I had gym, which to multiple complaints, was outside in the rain. It wasn't the rain that bothered me, it was being cold. But once we started running and playing football - which I love now by the way - I felt as though I was invincible.

But sadly, "all good things must come to an end" as our friend Nelly Furtado would say, and it was time to go home. I was actually excited, because being home meant watching One Tree Hill and stuffing

my face with sunflower seeds. All of this seemed like sex. Other than the fact that it was pouring rain and I walk home.

I was considering going to my moms work - close to my school - but then my friend Rose asked if I wanted to go to her house. I was sceptical because she lived up on a mountain close to mine, but still takes 30 minutes to pick me up, and a lot of gas.

Amazingly, I came up with an idea. Roses bus picks her up at our school, and she transfers to GW, a school that is 5 minutes away from my moms work. So I called my mom, and if she didn't call back in the time that Rose got on her second bus, then I was just going to go to my moms work.

Being lazy though, I made sure that I didn't want to walk THAT FAR. So I continuously called my mom, always getting her answering machine. After a while, my messages stopped being serious and I started joking around saying "I could be dying" and stuff like that.

Even though I never did reach my mom, I went home with Rose. With nothing to do, we decided to go on Omegle. It was fun! Half the people you screw around with, and the other half, both of you are trying to screw with one another.

Soon, I completely forgot about how I wanted to be sad. But, I still didn't know how I was going to get home, so every 5 minutes, I called my mom, hoping she'd answer. She never did.

I was too scared to call home, because my dad could have answered and he'd be mad. At around 5, there was a knock on the door, and surprisingly, it was my mom. I was a bit confused, because she doesn't get off until 5:30, and she wouldn't reach the house until 6.

APPARENTLY she went home sick, and when I didn't come home, she called one of her co-workers to check her work phone, to see if I called. Her co-worker got through 5 of the 100 messages,

called my mom and told her that I most likely went to Roses.

I had a good day :)

Tomorrow I'll be sad, I swear.

Wow

So, I haven't written in what feels like forever. I mean, it's only been like 3 months.. :)

Nothing new has really happened. At all. Watching a fly would be more interesting than living my life.

One thing that did happen was that I had a bake sale. It's really nothing, but it sure made my parents proud. My friends and I have this little group, and when we find a "worthy" cause, we like to raise money for it. Last year we raised $850 for Japan, and this year we found Raj.

 

My mom is a banker, and she gets close-ish with a few of her clients. Raj is one of those clients. She has two kids, no money and terminal brain cancer. Being that she had no money and a giant tumour on her head, my friends and I thought she was worthy of getting a few extra dollars for her very costly treatment.

 

We only raised about $400, not even half of what we did last time, and it only paid for one week of Raj's treatment. I wasn't happy, but every one else was, and my parents were "so" proud of me. Ehh, I see no difference in myself, as I've done so many wrongs that a few rights don't make up for it.

Other than that, my school was having this contest for people to hand in short stories, and the best would be put in to the yearbook. I consider myself a fairly good writer, so I wrote a piece and was all excited to hand it in. Some thing inside of me stopped me though, and it never reached the office.

 

Instead, I will be posting it up on here, and on to my English class blog (we do that instead of doing journals)

Leaving the details of my life;

My friend got a call from a modelling agency! That is fricken cool to me. She is literally the prettiest person I know, so this is like long over due. They agency saw her pictures on Facebook, called her mom and they booked an appointment to meet.

 

Yes, there are millions of fakes out there looking for peoples money, but her mom looked them up and they seem legit. So they went for a meeting, and every thing seems cool. The only issue is, my friend needs to make a portfolio, which are expensive..

 

That is what I don't get. If this agency sought her out, why would they need to be paid to see more pictures of her? For me, it just doesn't add up.

So yeah, nothing interesting in my life, but maybe things will get cool soon, or this blog with have no point but to suck.

 

Peace.

Well Hello There

Hello readers! I am not new to the world of blogging, I have 2 more

active blogs, and 2 failures. Lets not add this to the failure list.

"What will you be talking about?"

Excellent question me!

I will be talking about my life, interesting things that have happened in my day,

maybe some thing that caught my attention me. Not too sure, what happens will happen and I will try to be interesting.

With my two other active blog, I might combine them, making this blog 3 blogs together, a different page for each blog. I am not too sure though, I just know that it is ridiculous to have 3 active blogs at one time...

Well, I am off to edit and compose new amazing posts for your lovely eyes to read. Have an amazing night/day. Where ever you live :)

Watching the Sun Rise

Watching the sun rise has always been on my bucket list, since I saw it set so many times. It was like it wasn't fair, I had gotten to see the sun set too many time to count. I saw the peach, pink and purple which was caused by the miraculous ball of fire sneaking away behind the mountains, but never had I seen it rise.

The opportunity has shown itself a few times, that I can remember, and each time I was too idiotic to see it. One time, I was having a sleep over with my friend - same friend from Rocks -  and we were on my trampoline. We had a tendency for staying up until the crack of dawn, and that night was no different. Our one mistake was being completely oblivious to the sun rising, and we just lay there unaware of the beauty that was happening on the other side of my house.

A second time, I stayed up just to see the sun rise. I was so excited, and all I did was read FML until about 5:30 am. Then I went and made a bed out of chairs on my deck, wrapped myself up in a blanket and waited. I waited until 6:45, which was when the sun was supposed to appear. It didn't.

I saw that the sky was getting lighter, but there was no amazing colours illuminating in front of my eyes. Disappointed, I decided to just go back inside, wait for my parents to wake up so I could go in their bed. When I told me mom about my experience, she laughed and told me that the sun rose from the other side of our house, and I had gotten them mixed up.

I don't even know what colours it would be if it rose. Would they be the same as when it's setting, or would it be a beautiful blue and shimmering gold? Well, this morning I will know, for I will watch the sun rise with my own two eyes. Because of certain events, that you can read here at my third blog, Simply Sio, I am now awake and prepared to watch.

I am also prepared to get very sick from lack of sleep, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Life

This one was better when I wrote it...

Up and down, around and around. That's the direction life goes. We don't know what will happen for we do not take control. We let life bring what it will bring and take what it will take. We do not grab hold of the steering wheel and make what we want to happen. Why? Maybe we're scared. We've been living this way forever. Maybe the change will be too much to handle. Or is it the fact that we like getting hurt? Or not so much the hurt part, but the sympathy that follows? Do we strive for such attention that we let the hell we call a life bring us down, just for a few sympathetic glances? If so, then I say grab the steering wheel. Make the change. I would rather face a new world then be stuck in this attention hungry one forever.

What A Horrible Life

(old Facebook note)

Darkness. It fills the air and everything around me. Everywhere I look, it seems to be compelled with rage or sorrow. Is there nothing that can truly be ‘happy’? Along with lies and tears there is shame and fear. Is there any way to escape this? Is there are world beyond ours that we can truly call home? A world entirely our own, not only in our dreams but simply beyond our reach? Is it that all we need to do is forget the rage or sorrow, and the same and fear, and just live

Choose your life or forever be a character in some one else's game.

Living life is hard to do for some people. We want to follow our own paths, but we have the expectations of the world weighing down on us. Our parents want these amazing things for us, our friends want some one to lean on, society wants the newest magazine cover. All we want is to be, who we want to be, and being great at that person.

It is easier said than done. What if what we want, isn't what our parents want.the ones who raised us, and have controlled us our entire lives must have some say or opinion in what we do and how we live, right? Our minds tell us to be free, but our concious says to obey and be the next president, when all we really wanted to be are the protesters.

Life is funny. We grow up being told what to do, wanting something else, and when we finally have the freedom to do so, we fall back into the arms of the controller. What we want is right in front of us, but the fear of letting down others, and not reaching the heights of the gods, brings us back to phase 1; having some one else decide our futures for us.

Garth Stein once wrote "That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny." Learn from that quote and live your life the way you wish to live it. We need to show that we CAN and WILLbe who and what ever we wish to be! No one else has a say but us. We are the creators of our own destiny, so create!
I know that it is a little repetitive, and the ending is corny, but I tried. :)

Rocks. They bring happiness upon my life.

Do you know those moments when your life is simply perfect? When the temperature is just right, you can hear nature calling you towards the vast land of the unknown, and what you see beyond yourself is the world. On my good days, when every thing seems to be going just right, I am very happy to tell you all that I have these moments. Although, luckily for me, they last longer than a "moment", but not long enough...

The other day, my friend and I felt like exploring, or just doing something that made our lives amazing as kids. We remembered that a few years ago, all we did was climb this small mountain of rocks. When we were younger we did it to rebel, as we weren't allowed to be up there, but now that we are older, I think we did it to remember that even if we are in fact older, our minds, and the way that we live, does not have an age.

So we climbed. What used to take us an hour, only took 2 minutes. That might of taken some of the magic away from the experience, but it did not leave a mark on the beauty. When we reached the top, as always, we had 2 feet of sitting space before a fence blocked the rest. We made do with what we had, got comfortable on a pile of rocks, and just looked out to the view.

Before us was a river flowing, trees swaying and the sky slowly getting darker. The birds were chirping and the bugs were calling out to one another. As it got colder, my heart got warmer, and I was sinking into a nice blanket of happiness. Sitting there with my best friend, the combination of cold and warm, and the sound of nature surrounding us.. It was just perfect.

But, all good things must come to an end. A bat quickly flew in front of us, ruining the perfect moment. We raced quickly down the mountain, starting a little avalanche and a sea of laughter. It was the funniest and scariest thing. What made it so special, was it was almost like we were kids again.

We rebelled, climbed the mountain, but instead of adults getting mad, and making us come down, it was a bat. Either way, we had an experience that I'll want to revisit for years to come... Maybe with out the bat.

Love is the Sunshine in Which my Happiness Erupts.

Do you know that moment of pure bliss, where you wake up from the most amazing, sleep filled, dream-having night, and all you can see is the sun shining through your blinds? It's like it is reassuring you that no matter what sorrow or fear you have, there is some thing more out there. Some thing worth living for, and some thing just beyond a glass window.

Just to make you feel even more welcomed to this world of the unknown happiness, the birds are chirping ever so sweetly, as if welcoming you into the very gates of heaven themselves. The sounds illuminating from their beaks are just created from pure joy itself, and nothing can ruin this moment.

You are wrapped up in your blanket, maybe a fan is keeping you cold, but the warmth from that cosy wool is letting you know that no matter what coldness is out there in the real world, there will always be the warmness of something greater.

If you combine all these great things, you can have that one perfect moment, where every thing you know is right, and every thing else can wait a minute. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, you are warm and cold at the same time, and you know that for this very second, no harm can reach you, for you control how your life will turn out.

Every month or so, I am blessed to have this moment. It is scary to see that number decrease, but when I do get it, man do I stay like that for what feels like the sweetest eternity any one could ask for.

Failure is an illusion, Fighting is the game, and Living is the prize.

"She had the strength to persevere, but her one weakness was trying."

We all have the ability and capacity to overcome obstacles, but we lack the courage to try. One cannot simply breathe and do it, even though they can. It is not the disadvantage of physical disability; all is weighing down on mental capability. We miss and we miss with no try or swing, and everything in between are the words saying "you can't."

So look beyond that. Look beyond the failures, misses and the discouraged, run passed the broken and the beaten creating your undestined destiny, and reach the land of the living. It's what we were made to do, and we can do it. All it takes is a try. 

Failure is an illusion, fighting is the game, and living is the prize.

The Lovely Pain

This will be my last poem today, and again, it's a rough draft. I know that it needs work, and I'll re do it soon, and re upload it when it's better. Also, I am usually not like this, all lovey dovey, but I have those moments when my heart opens up.

I see you
And my heart smiles
Baby just hold me for a while
Closing my eyes, I see you there
Open them, if I dare

You are my heart
My armour
My strength
My eyes glisten in the light
In which you bring, upon my life

I cannot sleep
You are all I see
I could never of guessed
The feelings would run this deep
Jealousy tears me apart
Watching her, enter your heart

I am blessed to know you,
Grateful to be close to you
But hateful to call you "friend"

The Ways of the Morning

I couldn't find a better title for this, and this poem isn't very good, but it's my rough draft. I will edit it later on and re-post it as a better version.

A misty shadow
From above the grave
To forever enter her destiny
Of a slave

A slave of acceptance
Forgiveness
and hope
A place she may reach
The top of the steep slope

The waking twilight
From beyond her gaze
And there begins her future
All but a haze

Hazy dreams
and hazy lies
To fall the beginning of a battle
In which no body can survive

The dawn falls,
slowly rises
In which she despises
Her faith slowly following
for weeks upon days.

See, it isn't the greatest, but I am young and there for have a lot more to learn about the world and litterateur. If you haven't figured out what is means, it's about me, and how every one has all these huge expectations of me and I don't know if I can reach them, and I don't want to fail every one.

Once, Twice, Three Time Goodbye

So, this is a poem to some people in my life that I have tried and tried to say "good bye" to, but I never could.

This is once
Twice
Three times too many
Forgiveness is gone
You've hurt me plenty

It took me some time
But I now realise
I've come back
One
Twice
Three time too many

Hello and good bye
Baby welcome to real life
It's the place you left
Once
Twice
Three times too many

The past, exquisite
A time line I'd want to visit
Although I know
Once
Twice
Three times are plenty

Numbers add on
From the days that I have seen you
My sadness lingers on
And it's time to say
"Bonjour mon dernier au revior"
Because,
Once
Twice
50 times is too many.

I know that it isn't great, and definitely needs some touching up, but for now, it's good enough for me

Bonjourno ma belle.

Hello, this blog pretty much documents all the beautiful things that I've seen in the world, or just during that day. I will also add some of my poetry and short paragraphs that I have written. You may not like it, but it is just a way for me to express myself, with out my fellow peers, family or teachers telling me I can't. I hope you like my stuff :)